Rants and Ramblings from a Pastor

3 Obstacles to Contentment

May 7, 2012

The Lord has been working on a few things in my life that tend to destroy my contentment.  Thought I would share today:

  • Trying to be fair to everyone

Fairness should not be the goal. No where in the Bible will you find a promise from God that life will be fair. And yet, people will complain to me about decisions that the church is making, or decisions that their spouse is making, or decisions that their boss is making, and say, “But you can’t do that because it is NOT FAIR!”

Fairness should not be the goal. The goal should be “Doing what’s right.” I’m discovering that often times doing the “right thing” and doing the “fair thing” are 2 opposite things. Individuals are concerned with how a decision effects them personally and whether or not it is fair to them. But God is concerned with whether we are obedient to what HE has called us to do.

Hosea 10:12

12 Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the Lord,
until he comes
and showers his righteousness on you.

 

  • Comparing myself to other people

-The second that I start comparing myself to other people I become miserable and ungrateful for what it is that I do have. There will always be someone else who has a bigger church, better job, better house, more money, better looking, whatever…check out what the writer Paul says:

2 Corinthians 10:12

12 We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.

-They are not wise because the only one thing that I should be comparing myself to are God’s expectations of me. Am I being faithful with what He has entrusted me with? I’m not responsible for what God has entrusted someone else with, but I will give an account someday for what I did with my life.

 

  • Trying to get people to approve of me

I like to be liked. I love to be loved. It’s human nature to feel this way, but seeking the approval of people can become an idol in my life that keeps me from seeking God’s approval. Listen again to Paul’s words to the Galatians:

Galatians 1:10

 10 Am I now trying to win human approval, or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.

When I am seeking God’s approval instead of people’s, comparing myself to others instead of God’s expectations of me, and trying to be fair instead of doing what is right, I lose all sense of contentment. I’m learning the path of contentment often means turning toward God and away from others, and strangely, that seems to actually lead to more people being reached for the kingdom.

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How to become a better listener

March 19, 2012

Yesterday at Frontline we talked about what it means to “Discover Other People’s Stories” as an active part of learning to share your faith.  I will admit that I have made the mistake WAY too many times of focusing on what I was saying instead of focusing on what a person far from Christ (my “one life”) was hearing.

 

When it comes to sharing our faith, we tend to focus on the mechanics instead of the relationship, on telling instead of listening.

 

So, to follow up from yesterday, here are a couple of thoughts as to how we can become better listeners as we seek to discover other’s stories:

 

1.  Withhold judgment and criticism from the start

 

As someone is talking, we tend to go into judgment mode about what they are saying and get lost in our own thoughts instead of actively listening to what they are saying.  I even tend to stop listening and start formulating in my head what my next words are going to be.  I promise that when you do this, people notice.  They don’t feel heard, and therefore, they don’t feel valued.

 

Proverbs 18:13 says, “To answer before listening— that is folly and shame.”  When we answer before listening, we are usually basing our answer on faulty assumptions.

 

2.  Ask great questions

 

This seems obvious, but it is amazing to me how often I fail to do this when I am talking to someone new.  People love to talk about themselves, and that includes me.  Unfortunately, I spend a lot more time trying to tell people about me than I do asking them about them.

 

Proverbs 20:5 says, “The purposes of the human heart are deep waters, but those who have insight draw them out.”  This verse is saying that people don’t just present what is really going on inside of them.  They often present something else first.  Like insecurity, anger, pain, resentment, false humility, shallow happiness…you get the picture.  A person with insight and understanding can draw out what is really going on.  How do they do that?  One way is by asking really great questions.

 

If you show people that you are genuinely interested in them and what makes them tick, they often feel valued.  I have heard it said that they main way people feel loved is by feeling heard or listened to.  This applies to all relationships in our lives but none more so than in a person who we might share faith in Jesus with.

 

Hope this is helpful as you discover stories and invest and invite your “One Life” for Easter Sunday…Does anyone else have any thoughts on how you can draw people out and be a better listener?

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The People who are around Jesus

February 20, 2012

Luke 18:36-42 tells an interesting story of a blind man who sits by the roadside to Jericho begging as Jesus and a large crowd of His followers pass by.  When the blind man is told that it is Jesus passing by, he begins to cry out loudly for Jesus.  The people who are around Jesus try to silence him so that he won’t bother Jesus, but Jesus hears him anyway, and has the blind man brought to Him.  He heals the blind man and all the people praise God because of it.

In reflecting on this passage, I have been thinking about “the people who are around Jesus.”  These are the people in the story who try to silence and marginalize the hurting person on the side of the road.

Religion lets us down. Institutions fail us. People always disappoint us.  But somehow Jesus is still able to hear the cry of the person on the roadside.  He still draws those who need Him, sometimes in spite of the people who claim to be His followers.

Observation:  It’s not Enough to be Around The People who are Around Jesus

Sometimes our faith in Jesus is actually based on other people’s faith…

Don’t misunderstand me. I’m not bashing the church. True community among believers is a beautiful thing. When you experience true community in the body of Christ, there is nothing like it. In fact, I’ve given my life to it because I believe in it so much. But the only time true community among believers happens is when you have a group of people who are sincerely trying to figure out what it looks like for them to follow Jesus in their own lives.

Notice at the end of the story that the blind man receives his sight and then immediately begins following Jesus, joining the crowd of people that were already following Jesus and trying to hush him just a few minutes before. This isn’t a story about a lone ranger Christian. It is a story about a man who finds community as he himself draws near to Jesus. But he had to actually get up and draw near.

Where are you in this story?

  • Blind Man?

Maybe you have been silenced by some people who are around Jesus and decided they would speak for him. Maybe you’ve been hurt, judged, pushed aside. And so you’ve stopped crying out, and you’ve started saying things like, “It’s just a bunch of hypocrites.” Can I offer you some advice? God still hears your cry. Don’t stop crying out. Just because the people who are around Jesus have stopped listening, doesn’t mean that he has.

A question to consider:

How many of your assumptions about God have been formed from other people? Have you heard the voice of God yourself? Are you in the Bible for yourself? Or do you just listen to the voices of other’s?  Even if it is mine?  When was the last time you heard God’s voice? I don’t mean in some audible, creepy way. Or if it involved sniffing paint fumes first, it doesn’t count.

  • One of the people around Jesus?

Maybe you see yourself in this crowd that follows Jesus. Maybe you have grown up in church, been around Christians all your life. In fact, you spend most of your time around the people who are around Jesus, but it’s not the same thing as being around Jesus. Maybe you have been living your parents relationship with Jesus, or your youth pastor’s relationship with Jesus…

Maybe you’ve adopted the crowd mentality…and you can no longer hear the cry of the beggar on the side of the road.

A question to consider: 

When was the last time you saw a need in someone’s life and with the love of Christ, you said, “I can meet that need.” Rather than, “Someone else should do something about that.”

I’m hoping that today some of us who have been Christians for many years will decide to start following Jesus for ourselves.

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Taking the Communication in your family to the next Level

February 13, 2012

I had someone recently ask me if there were any passages of Scripture that would help them improve their communication with their spouse…I know the feeling.  In the moment when there is conflict in my family it seems like the right things to say elude me and I say STUPID things that make it worse.

So, the following are some questions I try to ask myself about the way I am communicating in my marriage and with my children, along with the scripture passages these questions come from.  Because I need constant reminders.  Maybe you will find these helpful as well:

Does everyone feel treasured?

James 3:9-10

9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.

 

Even when there is conflict, even when disagreements begin…does everyone in the family still feel treasured?  A key to knowing how you are doing on this one is:  Do the conversations degenerate from the issue to name calling and a personal attack on the individual?

 

Does everyone talk to each other and not about each other?

Matthew 18:15-16

15 “If a brother or sister sins, go and point out the fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. 16 But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’

The model for this in a family is the relationship between mom and dad.  Husband and wife.  Gossip destroys families. If there is an offense between two people, then everyone in the family should support those 2 people sitting down and working it out amongst themselves.  Not going to every other family member and asking them to take sides and posting things on facebook for the extended family and friends to see…

Does everyone celebrate the uniqueness of each individual in the family?

Romans 12:4-8

4 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5 so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6 We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; 7 if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; 8 if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.

 

-The model for the body of Christ is to celebrate the uniqueness of each person, because we all need each other to be complete.  The goal is not to make a carbon copy of Dad!  Or a little model of Mom!  Parenting is more about discovery than control.

 

-The way this often gets played out in communication in families is through bashing another person simply because they aren’t responding to a situation the way YOU would.  Do we do this?  My wife is organized and disciplined…I am not.  I speak my mind easily…she does not.

 

Do you avoid communication that involves abuse, shame, control or intimidation?

Ephesians 4:29-32

29Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

There are some forms of communication that are so damaging to others that we should condemn them and have a code that “we just don’t do that to one another.”  A lot of times this comes across in the form of humor or joking…

Do you share a common spiritual belief system and communicate about it?

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

-What values are your kids picking up at home?  Because I promise you they are picking up some value, whether it is intentionally being taught or not.  When a family has a common value system and everyone has a mutual submission to Christ first, then to each other, great communication can happen.

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3 Things you can NOT Delegate

January 19, 2012

There are certain things that you absolutely can NOT delegate. These are the roles that if you don’t personally play them, your life will not work.  I have made the mistake in the past of pushing these things off and hoping that they would just “take care of themselves” or that someone else would assume responsibility for them.  And I have regretted it every time…

Here is a list of what those things are for me:

  • Being a spouse and parent

Andy Stanley in his book “Choosing to Cheat” talks about how our families “hear” our hearts but “feel” our schedules. In other words, we can tell them our intentions are to be there for them but if our schedule doesn’t start to reflect that intention at some point that is what they will believe. You can’t over-promise and under-deliver on this one.

This means engaging with your kids lives. Showing up personally to their games and important events. You being there as a parent personally is what matters to them. It won’t matter to them that you asked them about it later.

It means taking your wife/husband out on dates and spending time, energy and money on your relationship. If you don’t put date nights on the calendar first, other stuff will simply fill up the schedule and you will never do it.

  • Making big decisions

This is not just for people who are leaders. Leaders make tough decisions all the time, but everyone has a certain amount of big decisions that will impact their lives permanently. I believe the biggest of those is the decision to trust Christ with your life.

The thing about big decisions is that if we don’t make them, someone else will make them for us. It’s not like if you just wait around long enough, you won’t have to make tough decisions. Eventually you will have to live with the decision that is made for you if you aren’t willing to choose for yourself. This is reality.

  • Self Care

I have a friend who says: “You can’t delegate your haircut.” In other words, you have to personally be involved in order to get your haircut, or else your hair isn’t going to get cut.  Someone else can cut your hair, but it will still involve you.

No one is going to take a break for you. No one is going to read books about leadership for you. No one is going to exercise for you. No one is going to read your Bible for you. These are things we have to take responsibility to do ourselves if we want to be healthy and growing in our relationship with God and with others.

Can you think of anything else that you can’t delegate?

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Why I am fine being greeted with “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas”

December 22, 2011

Several times this week when I have been at a store, I have been wished a “happy holiday” instead of the traditional, Christ-centered “Merry Christmas…”

Every December we bake cookies as a family (“We” being mostly my wife because she is awesome) and we go around as a family to all of our neighbor’s houses in our neighborhood and deliver them.  My family has always looked at it as a way to witness and share Christ’s love with our neighbors.  Last night as we were leaving one of my neighbor’s houses, he said, “Have a happy holiday…”

I have become aware that there are those Christians who are outraged at the all-out assault on our faith that consists of such brutal persecution tactics as forcing us to be greeted with “Happy Holidays.”  Our Christian brothers and sisters in China I’m sure are horrified right along with us by what is happening in our American culture…*-cough cough-*

Here is the question I am thinking about today:  Why would people affirm Jesus as Messiah, sent by God to be the savior of the world…in spite of their unbelief?

Sometimes I think we in the Church get confused about the rescue mission we are all called to be on.  Just to clarify:  Our goal as Christians should NOT be to preserve our own traditions and protect our Christian subculture while the world goes to hell.  Our goal SHOULD be to go into the world and make disciples.  (Matt. 28)

When I was stuck in my own mess of sin and despair, I needed to be rescued by Jesus, not lectured on proper Christian subculture etiquette.  Let’s overwhelm people with the love of Christ so that people are won to Christ!  Colossians 4:5-6 says:  ”Be wise in the way you act toward outsiders; make the most of every opportunity. Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.”  One of our core values as a church is the value of “Transforming Love.”  It is the love of Christ that can transform people…besides…it’s a lot more fun anyway!

Am I crazy to think that if we as Christians spent less time demanding our own rights and traditions and more time serving people in the name of Christ that more people would actually be won to Christ and become disciples?

That being said:  Merry Christmas everybody!  :)

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7 Leftovers from the “Things Jesus Never Said” series at Frontline

December 6, 2011

Last weekend we wrapped up a series at Frontline called “Things Jesus Never Said.” I absolutely loved it! One of my favorite series I have ever gotten to preach. Here are a few ideas that did NOT make it into the series…

Jesus Never Said:

#1 – Forward sappy, ridiculous emails to one another…and if you refuse to forward them to everyone you have in your contact list then you don’t love me enough.

#2 – Help me I’m drowning!!! (Thanks to Spencer Young for this one)

#3 – Most things in the Discipline (by-laws of the Wesleyan Church)

#4 – Tim Tebow is over-rated.

#5 – I’m a Republican

#6 – I’m a Democrat

#7 – I’m Reformed (or Wesleyan, Baptist, Methodist…you get the idea)

This was meant to be fun…not offensive.

Can you think of any others that I haven’t thought of?

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Why all blessings in life begin with Thankfulness!!!

November 21, 2011

This week happens to be Thanksgiving, which is my favorite holiday. It’s hard to beat getting together with family, eating until it literally hurts and then falling asleep watching the Detroit Lions lose to the Green Bay Packers. Awesome…just awesome…

I find it fascinating that the holiday where we are thankful for the stuff we already have gets very little attention in our culture. In fact, it is almost totally eclipsed by the holiday and the season where we spend exhorbitant amounts of money and time on the things we don’t yet have and want.

So I wanted to offer some thoughts about Thanksgiving. I’ll start with a quote from one of the early Church fathers:

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” – Cicero

Gratitude or “Thankfulness” opens the door for blessing because it is the starting point for any growth that we experience in our lives. I am convinced that a person literally can not grow and accept new blessings unless they have a sense of appreciation for the opportunities and blessings they already have.

It’s actually very simple to get out of the trap of Entitlement and access Thankfulness in your life:

  • Stop focusing on what you “don’t have.”

“Chronic victims” are a pain to others and themselves. I’m not talking about people who have been legitimately victimized. Chronic victims are chronic blamers and complainers.

When you hear yourself bemoaning your life, habitually blaming others for your troubles, ask yourself, “In what ways do YOU have the ability to improve the situation by responding differently?”

  • Intentionally focus on what you “do have.”

Throughout the gospels Jesus keeps calling people to focus on what they “do have.”

Jesus never celebrated the American holiday of Thanksgiving, but He taught His disciples to celebrate a meal together in remembrance of His death and resurrection. We have come to call it “Communion” or “The Lord’s Supper.” Most frequently throughout the centuries it has been referred to as “The Eucharist.”

Eucharist comes from the Greek “eukharistos,” which means grateful, thankful. The bread and the cup have come to symbolize what happened on the cross. The bread is Christ’s body broken and the cup is the blood that was shed on the cross. So in a way when we come to the communion table, we come to the cross… and we are confronted with what we DO have because of what Jesus did.

If you were to really look at your life and be thankful for what you do have, what would be the blessings that you would list?

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Do we need the poor as much as the poor need us?

October 31, 2011

-2 years ago took a step as a church.  Our Missions team had been meeting for about a year and we felt like God had led us to a partnership with a small, young organization called Haiti Foundation Against Poverty. Some of our team went down to Haiti to see things firsthand and the difference HFAP was making.  We knew we couldn’t offer tons of financial support, but what we could give we did, and then we realized we could eliminate some of their costs by offering office and storage space to them, so we did that.

-Since then our partnership has evolved to several Frontline teams going down on multiple trips, child sponsorship challenges being met, and several aid shipments weighing about 30,000 lbs each from our building.  We have rallied as a church community to bring hope to people in Haiti.

-I love what Matthew 25:40 says:

40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

-What strikes me every time I read Matthew 25 is that often we think of the poor (those whose basic needs are not being met) as needing us (those who can help provide for their needs). But Jesus in this passage confronts that notion and says, “Oh no, you need the poor just as much as the poor need you.”  I would say we started with an agenda to change Haiti for God, because they need us, but what has happened is that God has used Haiti to change us, and we’ve realized how much we need them…how much we see Christ as we partner with them.

-Jesus says, “You want to get close to me?  You want to find me?  Get close to them.”  Don’t try to get close to me first so that you can go out and help them…it won’t work. You are just as desperate as they are, you just don’t know it.

-A lot of times this is how we think. We think that when we become a more generous person, then we can start giving…but that never works.  What happens is that as we start giving we become a more generous person.

-We think that when we become more compassionate, then we will be able to stand next to the poor and the oppressed, but that doesn’t work.  What happens is that as we stand next to the poor, walk in their shoes, live in their world, we find that it’s then that we become more compassionate and understand the heart of God more.

I love this quote by my favorite rock star Bono:

“God is in the slums, in the cardboard boxes where the poor play house. God is in the silence of a mother who has infected her child with a virus that will end both their lives. God is in the cries heard under the rubble of war. God is in the debris of wasted opportunity and lives, and God is with us if we are with them.” – Bono, U2

Tomorrow I ship out for Haiti for a week of working with pastors and local churches in Haiti.  Please pray for me:  safety, health and kingdom expansion!  And pray for Haiti, that we can somehow get a little of what they have here in the States and that they can get a little of what we have as well.  We need each other!  The kingdom is really that big.

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2 Reasons why we need solitude

October 17, 2011

Over and over in the gospels, you see Jesus withdrawing to be alone in a quiet place to recharge and refocus Himself on the Father.  (See Luke 5:16)  The human Jesus regularly felt that it was necessary to unplug, step back and re-connect with His heavenly Father in order to survive / thrive?

In our over-connected, fast-paced, plugged-in, multi-tasking world, we are rarely completely by ourselves and fully present with God the Father.  Solitude is one of the Spiritual Disciplines that Christians have practiced for centuries, and yet I find that it is one of the hardest disciplines to maintain in the culture we live in.

So why do we need solitude?

1.  Solitude helps us integrate our life around “seeking first the kingdom of God.”  (Matthew 6:33)

A lot of success in life comes from focusing on wanting the right things, then letting decisions and behavior come from that.  We tend to compartmentalize our lives and our relationships (family, work, church, recreation) but the call of Jesus is to simplify our lives by integrating everything around the simple pursuit of the kingdom of God first in every area of our lives.  This clarifies our priorities and focuses us on the stuff that really matters in life.

Every day there are things:

  • I have to do
  • I ought to do
  • I want to do
  • I’m expected to do
  • Others insist that I do
But there are very few of these things that I really NEED to do in order to be aligned with the priorities of the Father.

2.  Because you will either “withdraw” or you will “escape”

Withdrawing is what Jesus did regularly.  Hitting the “pause” button and stepping back to rest and re-connect with the Father.  When we go through prolonged periods of stress where we don’t withdraw, we start to look for ways to “escape.”  We all know what escaping looks like in our lives:  it is always a form of sin, it is usually the root of any addiction that we face in our lives, and it can cause years of heartache and pain.

I have personally had some friends in ministry that chose the “escape” route of dealing with their problems and they would all tell you it isn’t worth it.  Whenever my stress level gets high and it feels like I don’t have time to withdraw, sin always starts looking way too good to me.  Don’t let this happen to you!

My wife and I just got back from a pastoral retreat with Broom Tree ministries (broomtreeministries.org).  Our Leadership Team at Frontline had surprised us with the week getaway for a Christmas present last year.  Even though this is a very busy season at the church, we took the time to get away and we were totally blessed by the experience.  You almost don’t realize how much you need a time to step back until you take it!  SO GLAD THAT I DID!

When was the last time you “withdrew to a quiet place to be with the Father?”

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